So maybe i've just been the biggest fucking idiot ever. I don't flippin know this Lee guy at all, and I drop all my original plans for him, pretty much waste a Saturday I could have been spent with Alex...what have I done? I guess there's still time to make amends with him, why did I hold onto the hope, why did I believe that he was actually a risk worth taking? I'VE PROBABLY MADE A MASSIVE MISTAKE.
He's priorities are clearly, just not the same as mine. He seems incapable of maintaining communication for about an hour over texts, I mean I've been angling to do something this evening but now it's 4.30 and i've had absolutely nothing. I feel like a complete and utter idiot, and although I may be on some upsetting level, I don't want to appear desperate to him. Add myself to his long list of these girls he contacts for a good fuck and then clears off to play games and smoke weed with his housemates...seriously. What am I going to do? I'm going to give him until 6 to say something, and if he doesn't then I'll probably give Alex a call and see if I can make an early train tomorrow to go see him. Yeah, he may be nervous and shy, but at least he had the balls to lay it on the line and now here we are.
Maybe I should just start drinking? Drink myself into oblivion.
I should really go to the gym and run as fast as my fucking limbs will carry me, just take me away from all this shit and noise. Maybe if I don't hear from Lee at all this evening I'll go and see dad tomorrow instead if he'll have me...maybe that would be wiser.
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