It's 7.40 and my train to London is coming very soon. It's Tuesday morning and I'm hung over. But for the first time in a long while I would go as far as to say that I'm feeling rather happy. I do hope it stays this way.
I was apprehensive about yesterday, I did wonder if I was doing the right thing. There was a bit of me that wondered as I waited for him to pick me up, if he'd end up coming at all. By way of revenge for how I'd previously treated him. But no, he texted to say he was outside the station and he walked over to meet me with a cosy embrace. It felt good to be in his arms, I had missed his small frame and his shy lil smile.
We got in his car and talked all the way about our days so far. When we got to his we planned on having lunch at the same place we had lunch before, but went to the shop first to get a few other bits and pieces. I like the way he shops the same way as me, a bit scattered and all over the place, no method in Isle order hehe I think you can tell a lot from a person by the way they shop in a supermarket.
We go to his to drop off the things and then walk to the seafront where we eat jacket potato and drink coffee. We walk along the sea wall, the wind is biting cold and we decide to go back to his again where we play video games and watch comedy. There is something very familiar and comforting about his lil town and I never want to leave it.
He bought me a bottle of my favourite spiced rum, wrapped it up complete with a lil tag with my full name writen on it neatly. It was a thank you for the painting ive not yet started. So thoughtful and sweet.
As the evening draws in we drink and play our usual card and board games and get merry, until it gets to the point where we both can't stand to keep our hands off each other any longer. When I eventually kissed him, I almost wanted to cry. It felt so good, so passionate yet tender and we held each other tightly. Everything was soon forgotten about. All my worries, everything. Gone. Sex with Alex is very different, but still so, so good. It gets me in a different way, an emotional way, the sort that makes me want to cry and gets all clingy, like I have to be touching him, have to be near him...we did lots of things, and he was just so cute, always asking if I was ok and if it felt ok, which of course it did.
I realise that we do talk more than we used to, I don't ever feel like I'm at a loss of what to say. We still haven't talked about what we messaged each other about a couple of weeks ago, which I did expect. I guess it's a good thing because I'm not sure what I would have said. Maybe it's what I need to hear. Thing is, he has laid things on the line and I still went to see him. He put himself out there and made it very apparent how he felt, which is the most anyone has done for a long time.
I didn't sleep so well in the night as I drank and ate too much and the bed was too warm but I loved how close he was to me and how natural it felt to be there with him.
I feel tired this morning but definetly feel as though I will be seeing him this weekend as planned. Lee has already made it apparent to me that he won't be able to meet until the end of the week, which will be when im in Canterbury. I can't let Alex down and I need to have an element of self respect too, I mean, I've done it too many weekends and he's let me down a lot before, why do I feel I owe it to him...ah well.
I left him with the following;
Aww no it's absolutely fine, I completely understand. It really seems as though it's an important time at the moment where a lot of change is going on, you need to fully focus on that :) i hope it all goes ok though, I'm sure it'll be worth the extra effort. Be careful not to burn yourself out! xx
So, we'll see if he responds in the week. If anything at all. If nothing by Thursday, then I'll have to dust my hands of the whole thing I think, letting him play me for a fool. Although I did leave a ring at his. Hmm. I will need to see him at some point but ah I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
I hope today at work goes ok, Hmm I think I'll have lots to think about!
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