Dressed up for the train

I decided to 'dress up' a lil bit for the journey back to dads. I knew it was a Saturday night I just fancied putting on a bit of red lipstick and turning a few heads. I managed to buy a lovely and very reasonably priced red dress so I thought if (and only if) me and lee did meet tomorrow I could wear it. It's like a trial run, in a weird sort of way. Not very cool at all really because we probably won't and then every time I look at myself I'll feel overdressed and rediculous. 

So, I texted him. I realised that it is unreasonable to be mad when I haven't even put something out there for him to reply to, I mean, pretty much every girl I know would have texted yesterday. I shouldn't try and be someone I'm not. Not that I think I'm like other girls, but I do hold back from a lot and that's not a good sign really. I guess it's because it's early days and I don't want to spoil it or put him off. But how can wanting to meet up be off putting? 

I have no idea what he's been up to, maybe he's had a horrible few days that have been very full on and upsetting and he hasn't even had the time to pick up the phone. Or maybe he's been getting drunk and stoned every night and doesn't even remember who I am. I mean both of these things are extremes, but it's just what my mind does when it panics and has nowhere to hide. 

I should just enjoy this bit of my life, I know I should. And if I wanted companionship so much I could just run into olives arms and get married, have a pretty sweet life im sure. But there's a connection that's missing and I just know the real person for me is still out there just out of my reach...