Not enough

I'm sitting adjacent to an old chap who seems to be sitting with his teenage granddaughter, tucking into cheese and bacon pastry and a beer. He's got the get up for a day of fishing, a weathered rucksack, beaded bracelets, iPod with big headphones, he's got his SnapBack on and looks as though he's already having a lovely lil day. I wonder what he's done in his life to get where he is? He really looks happy, they both do. Talking about trains and the passing buildings. Did he achieve his dreams, ambitions and is he where he wants to be now? Well, he does seem pleased to be where he is now so does it matter if he achieved those things or not?

I'd like to be that content...im really not feeling it today though. I didn't get to sleep til pretty late last night and I'm feeling it today. I should have just slept when I felt tired. I've spent the morning getting wound up at my bags as I travel home another time. It's my birthday on Monday. In a matter of days I'll be 24. Have I achieved what I wanted to this year? I'm not sure I have actually, which is disappointing. But then, a lot has happened in other respects.

Sigh. Of course, I'm looking forward to seeing the family. But I always get a bit blue when I go home. It's so quiet and not a lot is going on which just leaves me with my thoughts that actually, im alone in this universe and I've no idea what I'm going to do next. What are my dreams and ambitions? When I get asked that question I cloud over, get lost in the realisation that I'll never get there. Not firstly enough. Not bitchy enough. Not worth enough...