You could always see the signs

Today, I feel so small and insignificant. I look around the busy, sunny streets and just see masses of men, women, children, all going about their daily lives. All focusing on their various ambitions, dreams, tasks, however big or small. Its amazing to be a part of it, but at the same time, why on earth could I even dream of achieving the things that I'd ideally like? 
In a way it's humbling. But in other ways it's disappointing. I have no money, I don't have a partner now, this whole temping thing seems to be indefinite. All my friends are all over the UK, or are just guys that talk to me when they want something to keep them ticking over. Where did I leave my self respect? 
 
Maybe I should give this being on my own thing a proper go. That way I can focus on myself and what it is I really want. It doesn't help by the fact that sometimes I do feel so lonely, and I don't really have anyone who really knows what I'm going through. Nobody I feel I can really be honest with.
 
I saw Joe the other night, we had some dinner, laughed a lot, ended up being intimate which felt surprisingly natural and good. In my mind I always tell myself that it lacked a lil something but this time it felt nice. I was just overcome by emotion at some points, then a bit bland the next. It really does make me feel that really, I have no idea what's going on in my mind.
 

I just like to keep myself busy but for some reason the whole commitment thing is freaking me out and im not sure why, as it's what I want. But then I have olive one side saying he wants to see the world with me, which I've not seen hardly any of, it could be my only change to see it all who knows! But then, it wouldn't be fair. 

He's on holiday at the moment, I do miss him actually. But then again, I miss everyone.