Too many components

Why can't I just choose something and commit to it? For some reason I feel it nesseseriy to jump about from place to place, person to person. Everything is just such a mess...

I tell joe one thing, Olive another and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, dan comes on the scene saying he's missed me and wants to meet up again. It all made me come over happy and excitable but now it's morning the realisation is sinking in that actually, it's just another problem in an already very complicated situation. It's just another person that's included, where even one person alone feels like too many.

It was nice to speak to him though, find out how he'd been. It reminded me of the times we had before, good times, irresponsible too, but it was fun and a way for me to escape the great deal of change that was going on at the time. The weird thing was that I had dremt of him the night before, and thought of him a lot during the day and then I saw a message from him,it made me feel giddy. I am curious as to what made him want to see me again, he said he'd never forgotten about me and thought I'd gone off him when really I think things just fizzled out. We stopped texting, he was busy with his work exams, I was moving house, changing jobs, then met Olive. Barely any crossover... I really just need time, I think that's what I really need. It was so soon the break up of me and joe and then me and Olive and now he wants to move in together, talks about marriage and having children. I mean, it's all very flattering but it's too much too soon and I know he knows it, but he's too forward and eager and I'm too polite to tell him honestly . But then there comes a time where 'polite' and 'trying to avoid confrontation' becomes a fine line and soon it'll just simply be out of order. Everybody deserves honesty, and he always has been with me, so why can't I with him?

I guess I just don't believe he'll understand. We've gone into things so thick and fast and had some amazing times so he'll probably feel that it's all come out of nowhere and I don't really want to explain to him exactly where this has all come from because it's been there all along. The thing is, soon I'll moving but there's a two week gap inbetween dates, maybe I'll have to move back home for it... I can't stay with Olive just because it's convienent for me.

Sigh.

Time to make my mind up really, it's scary and I don't much want to. 

I'm sad to be pulling out of my familiar station, I don't want to go in on my own...