Struggling under the weight of decisions that comes with being young

I see the look in my mums eyes, I can see she's worried about me. I think she feels like I can't make up my mind and my life is going in too many directions. I'm struggling under the weight of decisions that comes with being young. 

She wants me to do what's right, have a moment of calm and try to enjoy things. 

She thinks me and joe belong together...

What went wrong with me and Olive, why can't I be honest with him and tell him that I'm just not sure if this was a good idea. He won't take it well, he probably won't believe me and he definetly won't make it easy for me. And why should he? We're in it deep, thick and fast. He fell, I let him feel like it was safe to do so when really, I should have been honest all along.

I should be by myself really...