Miss him

My phone rang and his familiar face appeared on my screen, I picked it up with such relief, although I was worried about what he might say. It was so lovely to speak to him again, just like we used to do. It really confirmed how much I really have missed him, and I'm not sure how this makes me feel generally. I mean, I knew that I would miss him, things would remind me of him, he'd crop up in my dreams, even surrounding my room because I don't have the heart to take the photographs down. But do I still want to be with him? I'm not sure. I keep telling myself I'll know when I see him, but then that's not very fair, especially for him, plus, he's probably just being polite and not actually want to see me. 

The thing is, we always did get on so well, but that wasn't enough for me somehow :(

And now I'm with Olive, which feels strange to write, but we definitely are in what feels like a very intense relationship. I do feel myself falling for him, but not in the same way. There's something about him I still can't put my finger on, much like how there was a streak in Ben I didn't notice at first, but I'm hopeful he won't be as bad as him. I don't think he is really, but he's just a completely different people I guess. 

What will happen. Will I surprise myself again, who knows