Love.

I love him. 

I feel as though I'm in a film, suddenly my life has purpose, suddenly everything I was afraid of has vanished and I finally have a future...I know it's such early days and I'm scared that it might fizzle out or disappear as quickly as it came but...I think I want to spend the rest of my life with him. 

Yesterday I finally saw Nik. We spoke a bit, I left and went to the shops, when I came back he sent me text asking if I 'wanted to be naughty' and my stomach just churned up and I actually felt a little bit sick of his sleaze. He offered me a drink which I declined at first but then I thought that actually it would be a good place to tell him that this 'naughty' business has to stop as I've started seeing someone else. He was actually very sweet and understanding about it, and rightly so as it's hardly as though he's been nudging at anything more than just sex. Completely and thoroughly unromantic, I'm actually worried for my health actually and very much need a check up, just to put my mind at ease. I doubt it a lot but I just want to be sure. He proposed the idea that we carry on anyway which I kindly declined and said 'it wasn't my style' which now it really isn't. Sigh. So hopefully it won't be awkward. 

I'm so happy to be seeing olive again tonight as we embark on another gig, I just always want to be with him...I think it's actually happening...I can't belive it.