Terrible

So terribly terribly unhappy. This really is an awful situation. What does your guy say? ... It's hard to tell. House I think. But is that for the right reason?

House reasons - to go for it;

- would be lots of fun, the guys are a great bunch and I'm sure if I allowed myself to, I would get very settled. 

- it's in London. It's something. It's a start.

- it's joes way of showing he's serious about us and wanting to move things forward.

- it's only a year. A year can go very quickly.

House reasons not to go for it;

- it would put pressure on me to stay with joe when I'm not entirely happy.

- it forces me to stay in a job I don't like for an indeterminable amount of time. 

What would happen if we didn't stay together?; 

- it would really really upset joe. We would no longer be close, I'd never see his friends or family again. 

- it could potentially be a terrible mistake, it's not as though our connection has gone but just sexually it has. I'm not sure if we can get that spark back. 

- it would probably send me home again, maybe lose my job as I wouldn't be able to maintain the commute to London. This would however save me money, I'd be able to do the proper job hunting from home.

- it doesn't nessesrily mean that me and dan would become an item, in fact my recent updates seem to have quietned him down a bit which maybe suggests he just enjoyed the fuck and not the idea of actually being close to me...

If me and dan got together;

- it's almost impossible to tell, I haven't ever seen him in a romantic way before. 

- it would be exciting, lots of new things to see and do together. 

- he'd find out more about me too, although I'm not sure exactly what difference that would make as I've no idea if he's an actual deep person....well isn't that what it is right there? That at the moment it's just a superficial thing because I don't actually know him, face it, you like the idea of him having money and being all grown up. But that novelty will surely wear off because you're not actually that sort of person, you'd enjoy it to start with but you may find that that and a great body may be all he really has that's exciting to you. 

At least with joe although he doesn't have either of those things, he has the musical and film tastes to talk about constantly, he makes me laugh, which is incredibly important. We have far more in common. 

Sigh. Read and repeat.