'So are you going to stay the night?'

Oh, everything has turned sour, I'm just know that I'm on the edge of something wonderful or something that could potentially wreck one of the best things in my life. The timing has been unbelievable, everything's coming to a head, the house finally looks as though it's finally coming together and then my emotions are sent all over the place.

I had no idea. None what so ever. The shock nearly brought me to tears but of joy and happiness, maybe it's lust and maybe it's boredom but why do I feel this way? I haven't felt this excited since I was about 18 and it feels like too good an opportunity to be missed...maybe it's all a big joke on his part and he's just screwing with my head. Either way my head is screwed, god, I don't want to be at work today. I want to be at home, in bed, dreaming and forgetting about all of him and his words...there's something there though that I just can't ignore. What am I going to do. I can't hide this time, I'm going to have to do something and I know I run the risk of losing them both but at the same time I realise that these things can pass by and I'll always be wondering 'what if' ... And now I've put myself out there again on a limb without a response and I feel sick with worry! What if he turns it down, my only day off and perhaps a chance to talk a bit, maybe this is all just a massive test and I'm already losing. I want to know what to do.

Mum suggests that I need to really think about what I want from my future, dad says that what me and joe have is something very special and he slots right into the family, which of course is very important to me. 

Oh dear god.