I'll be seeing you...

I'm so sorry, I just wish there was more I could do to help you, my dear auntie. I'm not sure I could call us close, but there is a special place for you in my heart and I'll have fond memories right from when I was a little girl. Your house, full to the gunnels of pictures in silver frames, a crackling fire and dogs and cats darting about everywhere. Simon, who used to tease me in the way that uncles do, giving me sweets, letting off fireworks in the back garden as they careered across the grass in all directions, the way he used to wind mum up...the presents you gave were always so well intentioned, the food you made was always created with such love, you were always so great entertaining and being the hostess. And you were so creative and talented. You were the big sister to my mum, so different but you both shared the same love for gardening, arts and crafts, laughing about childhood times. It saddens me that you've been sad and you've never let yourself stop suffering for whatever it was that has effected you so deeply. I just wish there was something I could do to help but I understand it may be too late now. I hope grandad is watching from above helping you to heal. I'm worried about how mum is coping, I know she is strong but I can't help but feel she may feel partly responsible somehow, and that she doesn't know how to talk to you. I wish I could be closer to her side of the family, I wish you could all have been better at communicating with each other in the past. It could have maybe saved a lot of pain. But you're all wonderful people, I just hope you get well soon. I'm going to make you something and send it to you, I'll keep my words minimal but I hope you'll be able to read what isn't there and see that I'm actually very concerned and wish there was something that I could do, and that I'm thinking of you. I hope my cousin stays strong too, she always has done in the past. 

I know I have just got to keep sending my  healing vibes and hope for the best. I hope I'll be seeing you at Christmas.