'Wearing harlequin dreams'

Well here we finally are, Friday. This week has been intense and today will probably be dry similar as I've no idea what to expect. But there's something about having to be on top form constantly that makes me feel so drained by the end of the day. 

Yesterday however, I fought the feelings and went to look at the house. It was amazing. She was amazing, the atmosphere I got from the place was amazing and there's something about it which feels right. We talked lots until I realised I had to go home as of the early start today and my god I feel it. But it was totally worth it, and I think I've got to go for it. Now next on my agenda is to tell the two people I want to the least, mother and his brother. I hope they'll both be understanding but it doesn't mean it won't be difficult. I hope he won't take offence. And a week or 2 isn't much notice at all, and I'm not even prepared. But tomorrow I need sit down and work it all out. 

I feel a bit sad actually. Change is here and I've wanted it for so long but now I don't know how to handle it. I'll be moving out of a place of many memories with my best friend, to move somewhere I don't know, with people I essentially don't know either and it will be absolutely imperative that I make the rent. But like my dad says, 'what really is the worst that could happen?' So maybe I give it all a try but it just doesn't work out. At least I have it a go. I'll find something else for sure. 

Because I'm starting to wonder as to whether I really fit in here. Surrounded by all the wealth, the affluence. I'd like to say that people don't notice but I'm pretty sure that they do.

Oh well. I've just got to take each day at a time, go with the flow...