Being first at the party is never a cool thing

First in the coffee shop in Knightsbridge. I should be proud of my extreme punctuality but there's actually something rather uncool about it. But anyway, at least I'm here, and at least I know where I'm going. Yesterday was a long day, but a fun one and I'm hoping today will be the same. Everything is so new, I want to feel excited but nerves keep pushing it back. It won't be until I properly start that I'll actually be able to let myself enjoy it. You just never know what might happen but I keep fearing the worst all the time. 

It's so dark outside, watching it grow lighter and the traffic busier is like London coming alive. I might be looking at a house today where there may be a room with my name on it. I almost can't believe it. I've got a nice feeling about it but won't get too excited until I know it's actually something I can do (or my family might help me do) I've no idea what pay is going to end up being like, and what with trains being as expensive as they are it may work out that I'm just scraping by. I do know one of the girls though, enough to know she's lovely but still feel like I've lots to find out about her, which I'm looking forward to. There's a part of me that just wants to go for it regardless and worry about how it'll all pan out later on. I don't know how J feels about it all though, but we have talked about it and he knows that it's something I really do need to do. Hopefully he'll move in a couple of months down the line, if he wants to. I don't want to pressure him. 

Now I'm tired and worn out lately at least my past troubles have taken a back seat. What I really need right now is someone to support and someone who'll support me. Too much potential change going on elsewhere...

Induction today. I wonder what it'll bring. I'm nervous but at least I know there will be a certain amount of learning involved which I'm ready to absorb. 

Soon it'll be December. This year has gone so quickly...