'Just a slight mistake and everything changes straight away'

On train back from London. I really do think that interview went well, but it's whether the company want someone friendly and educated or someone professional and international. As much as I'd like to be both, I only fit one of those of those creteria! Blimey. Standing in front of 20 attractive fellow applicants is daunting and I felt my skin flush and my hands shake a little. But I hope that I came across well. I'll find out this afternoon if I've been inviting for a 2nd interview which is taking place tomorrow. We'll have to wait and see I suppose. If I've heard nothing, it'll be a certain no and it's back to the drawing board. But in the very least I've had an interview and a new experience, and I needed it. 

If it's a no then it simply wasn't meant to be. 

It's cold but at least the sun is out. I wanted to stay in London and pretend I'm a resident but I'd spend too much of what I don't have. I'll go home and maybe apply for another job or two, prepare for the worst. 

I'm not sure how I feel about his text, he used to reply fairly quickly but now it's a day or more. He's busy I guess. Why am I holding onto him so much? Sigh, such a lost cause I am.

I hope something does change before the new year, I definitely want to move here soon I just love it so much. It's cruel and harsh, grey and overcrowded. But it inspires me so much. I love catching a smartly dressed mans eye, the reflections on the tube windows of people reading the metro, the glistening Christmas lights.  I think I'd fit right in, surely. 

I really do believe that if you really want something enough, and believe you deserve it, then it's doable. I've just got to power through the negative days I have because there have been lots of those recently. It's just the not knowing when something will change, because of course it will, I'm not going to give up that easily.