Yesterday was just lovely, I'm really glad it all came together like it did. It was great to do something a bit different with no time constraints or pressures and just wonder about the streets where we felt like it.
I came home feeling that things were clear, although daunting. In the very least I have my parents behind me even when it's turning down a job opportunity. Sometimes saying 'yes' to everything isn't exactly constructive. When I broke it all down, 3 weeks to cover someones holiday was going to put me out of a lot of money, going back to a job that I didn't enjoy, no perks, not even getting paid a day wage. Really, I was just doing them a favour. I thought about looking at it as though it was a placement, but it hit me that no! I've done it all before and realised I didn't like it - I turned down a full time job at their company! Why go back? So, although I went back on my word I don't feel particularly guilty about it because they were always so muddled up and disorganised, probably felt pretty smug that they got me to agree to such a shoddy deal. This does mean however, that I handed in my notice for nothing. I have NOTHING to go to. I am out, without! At the moment, I think the endorphins from the gym are taking the sting out of the whole horrible mess, but tomorrow or the day after I'm going to wake up and the fear is going to hit me, good and proper!
Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. I musn't be negative about this, everything happens for a reason and if I give up and shy away in a corner, I'm never going to get anywhere. Everyone falls by the wayside every once in a while, this is life, this is what happens. It's now up to me to really get my CV head on, finally get my portfolio finished, contact agencies, apply for jobs, never give up with it. I may take a trip home for a few days to dedicate some time especially to it, so I really make sure I give it the effort it deserves. Sometimes it's good to throw it all up in the air and see where things land.
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