'How do I know if I love you?'

Lots to think about, a lot of home truths on the table. Makes me think of Sunday mornings with John peel on the radio in his humble voice. A crossroads is approaching and I know I shouldn't avoid it because I'm afraid to upset people, sometimes you've got to put yourself first. But I feel I've already done that with the notice thing, where will it take me next? 

The lease is running out on the house soon very soon and I've got to explain to the guys that I don't plan on staying for another year. If I'm honest, I think it won't go down well and I think joe will take it as I want to end it, when that's not the case at all. We do talk about these things but as hard as he's trying I know that he's not there yet. That's absolutely fine, but I don't want to hold back when I'm ready to progress forward and kinda take a risk. I want to live in London but I don't think I have enough just yet, or a secure job so I'll have to wait. But at least I have the option to move back home if I need to. I feel sad though, because I don't want to make the decision so soon but then again I'm worried if I don't then I won't at all. I'll settle and always wonder 'what if.' I don't want to upset him, or pressure him into things he's not ready for, I'll never forgive myself. This worry is kinda crushing my libido and I think he's feeling inadequate, like he's doing something wrong. He's not at all, he's wonderful. I just wish we both wanted the same things. 

On train home now, work later. I'll be able to get my managers reaction! Urgh!