'And we frollicked about in our summer skin.'

So the past three days of making a real effort to sit at my computer and perform a proper job search has proved successful. Of course I know that this is merely the beginning, and I'm sure a lot of false hopes will be raised in the process. It feels invigorating and at the same time belittling. I'm really sending my stuff out there to be judged, and that's something I've not really thought about properly before. People will trawl through hundreds of emails all applying for the same thing, and mine has to stand out to them otherwise it'll just be ignored. 

I know that a lot of people won't think my work is suitable. But it's just waiting for that one person to take a look and think 'wait, this girl's got potential!' for everything to change. And if you don't put yourself out there, they're certainly not going to find you.

I'm hoping there will be enough for me to keep me busy, I'm aiming for 3-5 applications a day. Some I feel good about, some I don't. I guess the real thing is just doing your best with each one but completely detaching yourself from it all, so you don't get excited or start imagining yourself in those job roles. I know full well that many, many individuals whose work isn't as original as mine, but they were in the right place at the right time, had the gift of the gab or knew the right people. Now, I know that's obviously not true for everyone but I do know that I need to keep telling myself this to keep the fire in my belly burning! There is nothing wrong with a bit of confidence, and that's the one piece of advice I've picked up on on many occasions - to hold your head up high. That everything happens for a reason, even the things that don't pan out the way you first envisioned. 

This next bit is for when my eyes are searching for some inspiration after a lot of hopeless looking (because I know this positive attitude will waver under the lights);

Keep at it. You can do it. You deserve this as much as the next person. You know that you'll put in 110% effort into any opportunity you're given, you'll put in the extra hours, you'll remember everybody's names, you'll get the coffee, you'll come up with amazing new work. Just keep going. SOMETHING'S GOT TO GIVE.