'You make me live'

I wish I felt content, but I feel on edge and nervous. Almost constantly. I've just got to get on with my life and move in the right direction but I constantly feel held up at that place, surrounded by negativity  , my pateience being worn down with every minuet that goes by. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I'm better than this. I deserve to be somewhere else and I really need to get my act together and sort myself out.

It happens tomorrow. I look for jobs, I put together applications and start to build this blasted portfolio I'be been putting off! I have to, because otherwise I'll just fall into depression and come to a complete stand still. I know that it's not something that's going to find me, and I need to help myself. If you don't try, you'll never know, and I've got to do something proactive otherwise I'll just forget what I'm good at and become...a machine! As dramatic as it sounds.

Oh, I just want to cry. And it's not over yet...

At least I can listen to Queens 'you're my best friend' that makes me smile.