'Let it drop and let it bounce, count in melodies and the gravity breathing'

I feel tired today. And daunted by the work load that I have ahead of me, self inflicted of course. I have this pressure looming over me, that with every day that goes by without getting myself out there, is a day wasted. 

But at least I have a plan in place, a rough one. Just need to make a start. Need to make a logo, need to make my brand. 

I'm not sure if I can sum up how I'm feeling. From one end of the spectrum I feel nervous and worried by the 'big picture' and doubtful of my ability. Do I really have what it takes to get to where I want to be? The pangs go in my stomach and I feel my throat tense up and the questions start spinning in my mind, throwing back any possible inspiration- suppressed with fear.

On the other hand, there's the underlying thought that keeps on in the background- that I know that a large part of breaking through is consistency. Keep on keeping on. Once you give up, well of course you won't get close because nobody will be aware of your presence and talents. So I know I shouldn't be afraid of pressing forward, however daunting the thought is. Financial constructions can hold things up a bit but I know I've got enough to make a start, there can always be more.

I feel quiet isolated, I don't feel I know anybody else in this situation. There's a bit of me that's tempted by just going to a completely new country, really starting new. But then, I don't know any different languages and I'd miss my family too much, I'm not sure it's really me. But who knows, maybe I should try it one day.

Who knows indeed. Today could be the last day I ever live and I'm spending it fretting it over things that haven't even happened yet. Some of the most influential and successful designers in the world aren't exactly young. They've spent  a long time chipping away, putting up with shitty jobs whilst never loosing sight of what they really want to do...which gives me comfort.