I'm still who I used to be

It's been a while since I've had some time off recently, but this past week I booked off enough off for the Fringe festival with joes family and it was lovely. I love stand up comedy and I'm lucky enough to say its been my third year attending, I hope I'll go next year too. It's always a lot of fun, with so much to see and do, plenty to make you laugh and think as well, it's all a pretty life affirming venture somehow. We rushed back for a friends wedding at the weekend, which was also lovely. It was a bit of a nightmare getting down on the train but overall I think it was all worth it. I was honoured to be invited along with only her close friends and family in a beautiful church not far from the sea. It made me think about marriage, and how they both made the decision to spend the rest of their lives together. I was very happy and exited for them both and what their future holds. I wish I was ready like they are, because I don't really think I'm there yet. I know that joe isn't either, in actual fact I don't think he likes the whole concept of getting married, which upset me in the past but now I do understand why it doesn't appeal to everyone. Who knows! There's no rush, it doesn't have to be as big a deal as people make it out to be.

The wedding also meant I had a bit of time with my family before heading back today for work...urgh. Before I left for holiday I sent work a letter about wanting to go part time, I hope it goes down ok today but at least I know that if not, I can always leave! Probably not the best attitude, but Im not a big fan of the place at all. I know everyone has this image of who I am and I won't be able to shake it off now, I will always feel rushed, out of the loop and talked to with a complete lack of respect, regardless of all the effort I put in. I'd love a bit of recognition for all I do for the job but I know it won't be coming my way anytime soon because everyone always dwells on the negatives...ah well, lets see. 

My bother is also doing me a great favor today by picking up my fabrics in London, oh I hope they're ready and all goes well there. All ready for Wedneadays shoot day, I've not even thought about it yet. But I will when I see what I have to work with. It's all going to kick off at 10am. 

Nervous about all sorts of things, but all I want to do is sleep, and wake up 5 years from now in my dream job with a proper salary, a modest flat in London and my friends and family around me. I guess that is a lot to ask for whilst sleeping, hmm I wonder. I guess I've just got to keep going, trying, working my hardest. I've said it before and I'll say it again, something's gotta give.