'I don't recall a single care, just greenery and human hair.'

Ah the wonderful feeling that is when you finish work early. I was able to wonder off into the sun, sit on the green and watch family's enjoy their last day of the bank holiday, playing tennis, eating ice cream and lazily punting. I had a look around some shops, bought a bit too much, but didn't feel as guilty as I probably should. It's nice to have a bit of time to myself, I could have gone home but decided against it, where I feel much more free just ambling about on my own accord. I'm in a coffee shop now waiting for joe to finish in the next three hours, I've got a book to keep me company! 

I can't stop thinking about this dream I had last night, where I discovered I was pregnant. Of course, it was all chaos with random people everywhere in places I don't know, the typical dream format. But what made the whole thing stay with me was how 'like me' I was during the whole thing, which was what made it feel so real. I was laying on a bed waiting for contractions but realised I had no bump, told a nurse who shrugged and said 'sometimes it happens like that.' I went to the bathroom where I put a £1 in a dispenser for a pregnancy test and waited for the results, which said that I was. The last bit I remember before I woke up was me looking out of the window feeling such a range of emotions,  mostly excited, that someone new was going to join the family. It's silly really, I'm feeling a bit emotional about it because I really do think it what my brain is telling me to get on with (like I'm sure all women feel at some point, I think it's the way we're programmed.) I know full well that it would be such a life changing thing, my career would have to be on hold for a long time (probably to the dissapointment of my parents) and we'd have to move house, we don't have much money at all...but my god, I want a baby so much. I want to be pregnant and experience my body going through the changes from being me, to being me plus one! It'll have it's drags, many sleepless nights, but it would be so amazing I just know it. I'd want 3 or maybe 4, I've already got boys names sorted! 

I'm glad that when I tell joe about these urges, he doesn't freak out at all. In fact, he's very grounded about it all and probably more mature and responsible than the way I'm being about It. Says he doesn't have enough money, where would we move to, thinks he wants to wait until he knows what to do with his life. The thing is, I don't mind waiting for y career. I can pour all my creativity into this wonderful human being, tell them stories, read them books, play with paints, bake cakes and let them lick the spoon. At least I know now, that if it were to happen I'm ready for it. Maybe in the next couple of years... 

Ah well. Now, I'm going to try not to think about it too much, but read about how to best go about my career plans! Drink more coffee, I love the stuff. I wonder where I'll be in the next couple of years. I hope I get the courage to quit soon, to force me into finding something much better. Hopefully a career move.

I hope tonight I dream some more. I've been having some happy ones recently.