Well here I am again, having taken that familiar bike ride from my house to the station I am now on a train to London. It brings back memories from an old routine from not long ago which makes me feel like lots has happened since then eventhough that's not really the case. I also feel a bit saddened. Once, I appeared to have it all, whereas now I feel as though I'm right back to square one again and, although I'm just passing through on this current job situation, I'm still embarrassed about it. I am grateful that I have something to keep me ticking over, but I feel I'm letting myself down each day that goes by where I'm not pushing myself to where I desire to be. I knew it was going to be hard, even at times like this where I'm inbetween stages. Ah well. We'll just have to see what happens today. I'm going to get some of my fabrics back for a photoshoot in a couple of weeks, to shoot my look-book. I feel excited about that, it being a career move, but I'm nervous about setting foot back in that studio. I'm worried they will be condescending and mean, ask me lots of questions... I'm also worried that the true sadness will hit me, like I really have lost everything. But then again, I may walk in and out unphased which I'm really hoping.
I do feel like I've lost a lot these days. But then, one thing I know I've not lost is my passion to get to where I want to be. And there is a lot to life, whose to say that just because I don't make it in the first year after Uni I never will? I certainly don't believe it truly, but sometimes I tell myself it and give myself a hard time about it all to keep me motivated.
Maybe I should do another placement somewhere.
It's been a while since I've been able to update, the days have been flying by. I can't believe it's nearly August, soon I'll be 23, wow. I'm visiting home for a quick vist so I thought why not get my fabrics to, get it done and out of the way... I reckon I'll update on my way back in a couple of hours about how it all went.
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