'What becomes of me, when you stop listening? Do I disappear into the silence or return from the void with brand new life?'

Tuesday. Another day to go. Why am I counting it down?

The sun is shining, business men and women are scuttling about the platforms, looking up at screens, down at watches, all look like they're too important to be standing around. A moth flies past my line of vision before being blown away by a gust of wind. Every other train looks so inviting, wherever they're going I just want to jump aboard one and see where it takes me. 

I do hope I find something else after this. I wish I believed in myself as much as my friends and family seem to. Some people drop everything like a hat to galavant off to the otherside of the world, just to get a different taste of culture and to see a bluer sea. I wish I could feel as daring as that. They never seem to have any regrets, just amazing stories.

I'm not sure why that idea isn't more appealing to me. Money, I suppose. To do that sort of thing you need to have some sort of stash of money to spend on such ventures, however I don't have that sort of thing at the moment. Maybe one day I'll do it. I think seeing the world will help shape me into a different person, seeing there's more beyond our horizon. 

This time next week, things will be feeling much different. I need to get my act together for sure, can't be spending too much of it procrastinating. I don't think I will, as soon as I get it sorted, or indeed 2 sorted, one for proper jobs, the other for normal jobs, I can start firing them out like nobody's business! 

I will miss the commute a little bit. I have got used to seeing familiar faces each morning. The well presented guy who always comes in at 7.55 with a newspaper and cereal bar who looks like he should be a doctor. The young girl with her eyes glued to her phone, her friends come and join her a few moments later and they walk to school, takes me back to when I was that age. So quickly I see myself remenising like a mother would to her daughter. It's scary! 

But I don't wish I were back to those times at all, I was looking forward to the future back then. But not as much as I am now.

I have been feeling very maternal lately, I seem to go through bouts of it. I realise that now wouldn't be the best time, however, it wouldn't be the end of the world. 

Ah dear, well I can't think about that now! 

I look forward to jogging again when I have more time to myself again, I need to get physically and mentally fit for the challenges ahead. I feel this last venture has worn that all down a bit.