Love is blind.

I make a conscious decision in the morning as to weather I'm wearing sunglasses, and if I'm going to carry off the image that is suggest when sporting them. It's been a beautiful sunny week, sunglasses are encouraged! But I feel people look at you in a different way, kinda as though you're a dick...I'm not sure I'm ready for that today. So I take them off and squint instead!

It's a Friday and I should be on a train to London and tell my boss at bay and brown that the situation has changed yet again and that I may be even more infrequent with my deigns than before. But instead I'm on a train to see an old best friend of mine, see her new house,, have a good catch up and reminisce about the old days where we were so young and care free. Although it was a kind of impulsive decision, I'm very excited. I'm not going to have much free time like I used to before when I start this new job, so I want to see as many people as I can before then.
I'm excited to get started next week, it will be the beginning of a new chapter of my life, all being well! I think there will be a lot to learn and take in, but I'm really looking forward to that. I look forward to the challenge! I'm ready for it now.

Generously, my old job has given me what seems to be the week off,with my last day being Sunday, which will be great to rule off at last! I've arranged to meet my old boss afterwards for some catch up and wine,with another girl who works there to who I've become rather close to in the short spell of working there. I look forward to hearing her side of the story finally. It's been nice to have the week to catch up on things that I've been putting off,like sorting and organising stuff which is always more time consuming than you plan it to be. It's also nice to be around joe more, as usually he's home alone. The other night I went out for a girls leaving do and rob pulled me to one side and began 'I'm terrified about what I'm going to say next...' My stomach fell 'but I've started to really like you...' I didn't know what to say. I had raging hiccups and was starting to feel a little sick from them. I asked him 'why have you decided to tell me that?' Because, really, there wasn't a lot I could say in return. He's an awkward gent, I tell you that much. I thought as time went on he'd open up a bit, but he's rather tense and nervous, which leaves me talking far too much. He's a lovely person, and here's a bit of me that wished I did see him in that way, but my curiosity has subsided, and he's just no match for the person I'm with now. I told mum about it and she said there was nothing wrong in seeing what else is about,but I know I would have felt something different by now. Confidence is what it is, and he doesn't have much it doesn't seem. I feel there's something more ahead of me, I can't be doing what I did in the past before,there's too much in stake now and I'd got to be 100% sure it's a risk worth taking.
So, it's made things a bit weird between us, he messaged me this morning saying he had nightmares about me and that he can't give up the way he feels. I realise that, that time i went out last week was probably the last time. In dont want to give him the wrong message, or make things worse,ah dear.