Bones stinking like stones all that we fall for...

On the brink of tears. If I wasn't on a crowded train full of businessmen drenched in their aftershave, reading their broadsheet papers I would induldge myself in a good cry. It makes it worse that the option isn't available.

I've found today hard,I'm not sure why as its the same routine but maybe that's it. I feel like there's a piece of me being worn down and I'm starting to worry if this has all been a hasty decision that may not be right for me. 

I'm not a direct person. I dither, I worry, I sugercoat things to protect the feelings of others, I'm not sure i can be cruel to be kind. And that's the new approach I've been advised to take to improve the numbers I get on board; little over a week in and they're talking about numbers + targets already and it's just making my brain spin. Yes, it's a challenge. I knew it would be hard. But I'm not a sales person and that wasn't what was advertised in the job discription. I really like the new girl and we get on really well, but I can see she's more of a of a natural than me which is making me doubt myself. I almost feel as though I'm losing them and I need to get back in the game somehow. 

I suppose I just need to give it a try. Really try and meet these people head on, be proffecional, be a bit hard headed and lead them with question after question after question...and if I don't see  results and I don't feel like it's right for me,then I can think about what to do next. 

I'm scared though. I mean, what the fuck am I doing with my life, where do I want to be? I'm giving advise to people all day long about how best to go about the work they want to do but haven't any idea what I'm doing myself. How stupid is that.