Telephone interviews are just awful. Especially when it just catches you off guard! Ah well. I gave it my best, just got to let it go and assume that I haven't been short listed!
On my way back from London,which went ok, well no actually it was fine, not 'ok' god I'm so pessimistic! It's been a hard week,I've been very confused as to what I'm doing with my life career wise,and it's really been bringing me down. I feel like I can't really talk to anyone about it, my parents want me to keep at it and joe gets down if you bring up anything work related,which I do understand it's just a shame. He's just as confused and lost as me. I realise that through it all,it doesn't make me feel any less fond of him though. Sometimes my mind does wonder, and occasionally I meet someone who makes me think about how things could be different...but never seriously so. I just hope soon we both have an idea of where we'd like to be heading.
I've been trying to balance work and designing and socialising all in one week but it's been hard since my manager left,as I've been picking up her hours which is full time. The money will be good as it is essential at the moment! It's worn me out a bit. So I'm off home for this evening and tomorrow to catch up and get away from things a little bit. I've work again Sunday,so I'll be heading back then. Afterwards,rob is going to try teach me the piano,which should be interesting! I'm looking forward to it in a strange sort of way, mainly to see his room and what he surrounds himself with. Does he have posters on the walls, how many physical DVDs and CDs does he own, how many toiletries does he have on his shelves and, most importantly, will he open up when in his own environment? I've enjoyed getting to know him the past couple of weeks, I think he's enjoyed having someone to get to know to. I just wish he didn't take himself so seriously! I like that he takes interest in my art though. I said in exchange for lessons, I'd make him or draw him something. I think what's more likely is that I'll end up feeling a bit awkward and the one doing all the talking, but we'll have to see!
Ah, I'm trying to keep an open mind. I do hope next week will be better. I need to get a portfolio together and create proper applications, start to take things seriously! Because I think soon something's got to give, and I feel like I'm more ready now than I have ever been before! I know I've not been in this new job for long but I'm starting to see that everyone's constantly arse kissing the whole time,which makes me feel quiet uncomfortable because its just so clearly false. I'm the oldest one here by a year,but I feel like I'm 30 because everyone's so childish,it's a bit pathetic. I don't feel like I can really trust anyone and I've got to think about everything carefully before I say it,which can be tiring in itself. So, I feel as though I need to keep telling myself not to get comfortable.
It's good to have a bit of time alone with my thoughts on the train. It's grey and rainy outside and people are all suited and booted, coming and going from big meetings in the big city, I want to be a part of them one day, but not today. I'm going home...
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