Brought my notebook but forgot a pen

I made the mistake of inviting the past back into my life. I have developed an irritating tendency,so go along with something happily until whatever it is approaches and I start to get cold feet and want to back out of it. I get scared! I feel somewhat protected behind texts and emails,until it gets to the possibility of seeing an actual person,I realise what my words mean.
I've not said anything bad,but I just agreed to see M over a weekend,to catch up and such but I quickly realised that actually his intentions lied elsewhere and he proposed we stay in a hotel and buy leather trousers...all started to unfold quickly and that bitter taste at the back of my mind began to linger once more. This time,I'm aware of what I could be letting myself in for and, before, I want confused and lost. I didn't know what my future held and I didn't think,I just acted on impulse. Now,things are different and I've got a lot at stake. I realise before I knew I could balance it all with my degree,but now I know I can't risk my relationship,where I live, it's just too much. But instead of telling him that,I'm just avoiding it all together and he'll probably get mad but that's okay.

On another note,I'm giving running another try. Lets hope I properly stick to it this time. I think it's good for clearing my head, any health of weight positive changes are a bonus.

I'm heading home again for the weekend. For Easter celebrations and it's also my dad's birthday,which should be lots of fun. I always feel bad leaving joe behind,although he's family are coming to visit so he'll be kept busy. I worry about home at the moment. He's so lost and confused about where he wants to go with his life and takes suggestions so critically,it's hard to get through sometimes. He may be depressed, I think he misses the student life. I want to help him so much,but it's getting to the point now where only he can help himself. Lets hope he gets a job soon for lots of reasons.

The sun is trying to shine today. People have been so down about this very cold start to summer. It does make a difference though.