'Little clouds like wounds that blow away...'

I needed some grounding, and I can always trust one person to give me that; my mother.
Although we live apart and don't see each other as often as I'd like,we're closer than ever before.I had a read over some of my past entries a couple of years ago and some were almost chapters about the trials we faced occasionally. I never used to really understand why she got so worked up about things,but now I can see it so clearly. I feel regretful for the feelings I felt towards her at times growing up.
I told her about my current worries, that it was finally becoming a bit too much. 'You're body is seizing up and you're full of anxiety because you're angry! You've got a lot of things to be angry about,but you're not showing that anger,instead you're bottling it away.' It made sense. I know I am worked up about things,but I just thought it was a lulling depression,not something as fierce as anger-but it really is! I'm in a vulnerable position at work being bullied into working more hours for unfair pay, for a job that gives me nothing in return. The real occupation I want to lead is stressful, expensive and difficult and on top of all that I'm in a relationship where I don't know where it's going, with a wonderful guy who...needs to grow up a bit.I'm starting to feel as though soon I'm going to need to lay my cards out on the table and tell him that I need to know that I need a sign of commitment, a future and a life together. If I get a vague answer or a shrug,I know what I need to do. I'm at that point in my life now where I need a man, not a 'guy'. I need someone who's mature and motivated. But not boring haha.I don't know if this man even exists. But will he become that person? I'm not sure...it's not enough for me to want it. He's got to want it to,and right now,I think he wants to get as far away from that as possible!

But one thing at a time. Lets hope something good will happen soon.