'All I wanted was for you to take me out high'

It's Sunday night and I'm wondering what the hell it is I'm doing.

But when looking through old photographs,one thing I do realise that amongst all these crazy fears and confusing thoughts I now know that I've let a lot of old feelings I was clinging onto, go. Finally. Past loves used to haunt me in my dreams,my regrets would always be lingering at the back of my mind and I was constantly wondering 'what if' about directions with these people.But they don't any more. I wonder why that is? It's probably because I'm so busy with so many other things going on in the now,I don't have time to dwell on what is definitely in the past. Those people won't be re-entering my life any time soon,too much time has gone by now.So, from that point of view, things are pretty good.

I suppose it's all a matter of organisation. Facing what things I need to do, prioritising the most important things first. I can't possibly attempt to conquer all these things at the same time, I think it would destroy me! I think after tomorrow, I need to get seriously searching for a proper job. Whole heartedly. The time has come, I can feel it pushing me now.
Get a new CV drawn up. Get my parents to check over it - get it looking really sharp. The fire it off to all these companies looking for someone like me!

Next. Write a letter to my current boss about the situation I'm in and tell her that I'm looking for new jobs. I'm not getting paid minimum wage, she pays me for 4 days when I work 5, there's just so many things that she does that fall bellow the radar, I don't really want to be apart of any weird dealings. I don't approve of her main customer base, and the job role is just so...empty. I don't mind hard work and long hours when I get something at the end of it, be it projects, designs or customers. I know if I stay there much longer I'm going to go mad.

Relationship. We get on so well,so well.But I just don't know if it's heading in the direction I want it to. I don't really know if he knows what he wants, and I'm not sure if I can hold onto that uncertainty.Maybe I should, but, it would good to know. I need to let him know where I want to be in a few years time, where I want to be living, what job I want to be doing, if there are children on the cards on his mind, if marriage is something that he'd consider way in the future...these things will determine whether I should try and find someone who does want these things. I know it all sounds like a big deal, but I feel like I'm ready to think and talk about these things. And is it worth waiting another 3 years of me wondering all of this? I don't really know right now. But I think I'm ready to sort out the other situations in my life!