Today hasn't been one of my best days. In fact, it's scribbled out all of my ambitions for the new year in one quick swoop; running away from my fears, communicating badly to those around me, boycotting meeting up with a friend on a 3rd occasion and giving in to bad food temptations.
It's just been one of those days where I just want to start over again. Usually I just get on with things but on this occasion I just let it kinda take me over and I wasn't willing to bite back.I just wallowed in the guilt that consumed me.
But now, it's Saturday and it's a new day. We all have a poor day once in a while, we sometimes disappoint ourselves. But life goes on, everything doesn't stop just for a day of moping around.
I just got so frustrated with myself for not going to London because I'd built up this strong anxiety towards it. So much so I'd given myself an intense headache which I let defeat me. When I looked at the designs I've been working on over the holiday, I just went blank. They were awful. I was embarrassed by them, I couldn't let them see them, not yet. So I've just bought myself a little more time over this weekend to try and make them better and probably just start over. But I know that the more I faff around and inconvenience them, they won't wait for me. They'll just cut me out, and that'll be me done. And although I'm looking for a new job entirely,I would hate to be cast off.
I really hope I find something soon,but it seems like my lack of experience is a hinderence to any possible success.But then, if you don't try you'll never know. Even an interview would be something.
But...does it really matter? At least I'm trying.But there's just too much to do. I guess I've just got to look at it, that it's just not meant to be if nothing comes up just yet. But at least if I give it a good go, I know I'll be doing all I can to get somewhere.
I'm all over the place and really,I just want to get away completely.
New year, new start...
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