There really is just no such thing...

I always do this to myself. It's a Friday morning,I've been up half the night hopelessly throwing paint about on a page in the hope that I'll create something inspiring. it's so late that it's impossible to tell anymore, it all looks the same. And now, here I am,on the slowest train possible to London (deliberately chosen,) ultimately feel embarrassed about my previously rushed set of designs from last week. It's raining, it's grey, it's gloomy. Every house and every car that goes by I just want to be in it, anywhere but here. Everything looks so much more appealing than what I'm putting myself through right now, I thought it would get better but it hasn't.
I've just been taking too much on. But nobody has any sympathy, because everyone isn't satisfied, they're not getting my full efforts because I've got too much going on. But it's my fault of course,I thought it was only for the short term but actually it seems to be goin on for a lot longer.
I know that most importantly my boss in London is the most unforgiving of all,she can easily replace me. I feel like I'm letting everyone down including me,I know I can do more, better quality work, it's just not enough time. I need to et a plan sorted for the new year. I need to have more time off the shop job because I don't care about that place so much. But then, I'm not overly keen on where I'm heading right now. It's an awkward, cold environment where people don't talk much or laugh at all and everything's so commercial but not in the way I envy but it's all stuff that my manager Ioves but I can't stand...I need a way out from everything. A new job. I wonder how many millions of other people are feeling the same same way as me. It's all so competitive, all of the time. There's no break from it.

Most of all, I've just been trying my best at everything. But it's always so rushed, everything that I do. Even my social time or time with family,it hardly seems worth it by the time I arrive it's time I started to think about leaving...is this is what life is going to be like now from here on in?