maybe it's just the way I'm programmed

I'm sure I'm repeating myself here,I feel like I've said this before.But,sometimes I wonder if anybody on this planet worries as much as I do about pretty much everything. In addition to that,I also find myself assuming the worst of pretty much every possible situation as well.It's like i'm always expecting something truly terrible to happen every hour or two,it's no wonder i'm on edge.
I know if I'm not careful I'll just burn myself out,but I find it hard to be honest and do what is ultimately the right thing.It can be hard in any situation but somehow it seems even harder when it comes to jobs,I feel like if I don't take it all,I'll end up with nothing, the phrase 'all or nothing' resounding in my mind.It's early days,I don't understand why I feel this need to be on top of my game right away,but it just seems to be the way I'm programmed.
Thankfully,things that were once in disarray earlier this week have been sorted out as best as they can be.I'm going to London on Friday to get some more designs sent off and to see my boss there,and am working the rest of the week at the boutique.Although admitting in my previous statement about always assuming the worst,I can't help but think it in my freelance job position,I just feel like because it's on the way to be doing what I actually want to be doing,it's more likely to just disappear. So when I know that she specifically wants to see me,I start to wonder if she's just going to politely 'let me go.' But anyway,that's a little way off in the future now, so I'll just have to see what happens when I get there.But I am definitely feeling a push from some unknown force (possibly sanity) to get looking for another job,but knowing how difficult it is at the moment with the current climate,I don't really feel the urge.But who knows,maybe there's something perfect for me out there.
It's more of a social thing more than anything.As daft as it sounds I'm not too fussed about pay,as long as I have the potential to progress and if it's in the creative area I don't much mind.I just hope I'll have a place where I can work but also build friendships with those working around me to.I don't have any of that right now,and it makes me feel so alienated and alone.I feel socially out of practice! It's a shame really because I know if the owner of the boutique knew how I felt about her shop,she would be quite let down.She means well,but there's only so much sitting and waiting in the cold for her to find her misplaced keys that I can take,the mobile phone fixing and the single-parent handling,it all gets a bit much after a while.But when none of that stuff is going on, the boredom tires me out like I would never expect.But then,wouldn't I be moaning about it being too much hassle if it were the other way around?At least I'd feel like I was earning my money that way.Sigh sigh moan moan.It's probably time I went to sleep.Let's hope that by the weekend I'll have a better idea of what I need to do,and formulate a little plan. Maybe revise my CV...