The Oceans provide pathways to distant parts of the world

I can't believe that it's been a month since I last updated. But then the days have flown by very quickly. I've finally managed to secure a part time job which is only ten minuets from where I live,which is ideal really. It's a tiny boutique store for children's clothing,which I've never really expressed an interest in before but it's actually rather nice and it's pretty much just me in there keeping an eye on things.It's probably the most responsibility I've had in a job before, so I hope I don't blow it! It's nice because I have a day off in the week to go to London and hand in some new designs,although they've been a bit slow as of late.But when I get a routine going it should hopefully all fall into place. Am I happy?I still ask myself that and ponder on the answer,move into something else and never really answer. I guess I am,but things could be better.I still feel as though I'm waiting for something to come and find me and whisk me away.But then I suppose everyone's waiting for that and then they grow old and realise it's never going to happen. I think it's excitement I'm missing, though. I'm comfortable.But that's not a bad thing,is it? Living here has it's pros and cons.I mostly feel a little bit trapped though,it's pretty small with not much space to be creative, and it puts me off doing stuff.The town isn't as exciting as I thought it would be either,but then I'm lucky to be living anywhere really,as times are hard. I just want to go to the sea and look out for a good long while.When we used to live by the sea I walked down there all the time,took in the fresh air and watched the enclose engulf the horizon.I love the sea because it somehow joins all our countries together,so eventhough you're looking out into nothingness,there's still the feeling that there are many others sitting and looking into the same ocean,letting thoughts pass by and rain land on their heads. Maybe it's that wintery feeling,I must say I'm looking forward to when the nights draw in and getting all cosy inside.But with the winter come the blues...I hope by then I'll have some money and a bit of security.And a bit of future to,a bit of a plan. It's times like these I miss Uni,just larking about,doing a bit of work here and there when I fancy,but being around people the same age as me,being independent and having my own life.I know I do have my own life still,but when living with a boyfriend I don't feel like I can do the things I once used to do. Sometimes I wonder if my past is trying to creep back in, Mike still texts me wondering if we can hook up again,but I'm just not interested in the slightest,I just ignore them.I feel my heart sinking for somebody else's text but really,I think I just miss friendship,having friends around me and being social.I've lost a bit of my social spark.I guess I kinda put that down to living with Joe,as we just have a tenancy to stay in. I like to go home when I can, see my family and I usually end up going out with them and do things.And as fine as everything is,I can't help but wonder if there's more out there for me. I get wrapped up in looking at familar faces getting married and having children and wonder if that's what I want,or if it's flicking through photos of friends who have travelled and seen the world.I just don't know which group I fall into.Maybe it's neither right now.But then this is where I feel like I need a friend I can talk to about all these silly little thoughts.Sure,I have friends who say they'll be there,but in reality they're not.A girl I used to live with keeps wanting to do things but I'm not keen,I just keep postponing it.It's a part of my Uni memories I want to keep up north at the moment.I wonder if I'll ever go back,and if I do,will I be on my own?Will it be for work?A holiday?ah,such nice thoughts of the future...can I just fast forward three months? I'm just going to keep looking at Santa Monica beach webcam...