'I've got a pocket full of handshakes'

I miss independence. Is this love? I'm finding it hard to start this journal entry and I am finding it very difficult to pinpoint how I feel and what I want to say. It seems like I awoke this mor ing with a depressive,appressive cloud hanging over my head and it's driving me down towards the ground. I'm worried about what I'm doi g at the moment in pretty much all aspects of life, with my career, my relationship and my future. I also can't help but notice how I'm not as close to people as I once used to be,ideally I'd like to be saying this somebody but I dont really feel I have anyone who could lend me an ear right now.but then why would they?i've either been all over the place geographically speaking or pushing myself away from closeness. I just seem to look down at myself and want to cry, I want to dissolve and become nothing more. I know it sounds so lame,but everything seems to be such a struggle and out of reach.am I happy? With this life I've chosen and the people I've surrounded myself? When I really think about it, I'm not sure I am. I want my independence back again... I guess this is my punishment,never forgetting you.