'I'm so sick of making lists of things I'll never finish'

I'm not sure what's wrong with me today,I feel like I've left my personality in deep sleep,which didn't reconnect with the rest of me when I awoke this morning...to a damp dreary day of uncertainty.With no enthusiasm or motivation to do anything creative or even think about it...urgh!Someone come and pull me out of all this.Maybe that's what it is,I need an injection of something exciting,new and refreshing,I guess I'm getting too comfortable with the familiar surroundings.And yet,outside of these walls it's all up in the air,and I don't have a clue about what I'm doing.I feel so alone right now. It's graduation on Thursday,I couldn't be more deterred from the blasted day,I'm just treating it as a day for my parents and even then,it's going to be a bloomin awkward day,being divorced for about 10 years,it's going to be an unusual atmosphere surrounding the whole occasion.And then the day before I'll be back up north for an interview which I can't take if they did offer me anything because I've moved here now and my relationship wouldn't last...it's all so frightening.I'm worried I'll just let everyone around me down and I won't be achieving my full potential.But I know I'm not alone there,I know everyone is in the same boat.Ah,this is all just endless drivel.I miss the old times and the girl I used to be in the first year of Uni with so much to learn and so many prospects ahead of me.Now I see myself marvelling and babies and pouring over photographs of friends weddings and I feel my heart sink,for two reasons; not knowing whether it'll ever happen to me,and,how i'd be like everyone else with an exceptionally ordinary life if it actually did. But why is 'ordinary' a bad thing?With everyone else trying to look and achieve all things extraordinary,surely something simple is a breath of fresh air to anyone concerned?What does it even matter anyway.I am just finding it hard to cope under this pressure I am putting myself under.Living in an expensive part of the UK with no income so to speak of,'investing' and spending and a ridiculous rate,no friends around me for support,I feel like I'm a little wooden raft floating in the middle of the sea with no telling what direction it's going to go,with the risk of it just falling apart at any moment.(So dramatic I have become!) Well,today anyway.I just really needed to type this and let it all out I suppose,because really,I know what I need to do to get through it all,just take each day at a time and keep my expectations low,make sure I don't get too bogged down.But sometimes,you need to voice it all and let it out,and it's not really the sort of thing I can tell anyone because people just shrug and say 'you'll be fine don't be silly' and then I feel bad for feeling anything at all.Stupid mondays.