Suffocating.

I don't think you understand.I need encouragement to,I need warmth and comfort and someone to tell me that this is all going to be ok...I can't be here for you now. I don't want to be here anymore,be apart of all of this,what IS this?Why did I even attempt it,to try and get involved in such a feisty,bitchy,society built on a foundation of judgement,shallowness and money?Thought I could wiggle my way in with talent,but the fear is overtaking me and I feel sick.I fear for everyone around me as I won't be able to hide my dissapointment and it'll be there because this place isn't for me and this isn't meant to be for me...I know I'm good,I know that.So why do I need some show to emphize that?To show other people that I'm worthy of a chance.Give me a step,a try, a go at this.But I think I've missed it :( I wish I could understand,but I don't at all and I...don't want to be here anymore,not in this body or in this mind,all this effort,everything I believe in and have worked so fucking hard for has been WASTED everything,everything I have done will vanish from the radar and I'll be one more to this list of millions WHO DIDNT MAKE IT.God help me.