'Nobody knows it,but you've got a secret smile and you use it,only for me...'

So here we are.At the end of my degree.And the start of summer.It's such a strange feeling to feel so free,and yet there seems to be such a lot of pressure to keep up the momentum I had only a week ago,and direct it all at finding a job-immediately.I know it's not something that's going to happen overnight,and is something I'm going to have to work for.I knew that right from the off.But so many people I know from my course are there already and it's an odd feeling of happiness for them,with a twinge of jealousy.To be honest,the degree is the easy bit.It's what you do with it afterwards is the testing, trialling part.So I need to get hunting-make up my CV-make it look slick,start applying for jobs,look into getting an agent.Then I should be on track.Little and often surely! I'm waiting for a decent time to leave to catch my train home.I'm so excited to go home,it's been such a long time and it always seemed so rushed with so much to get back to uniwork-wise,but now I can fully catch up with a few friends and family which I'm looking forward to.I'm also looking forward to the show with all of our work and industry walking around it.I'm more looking forward to my parents seeing it,as I'm proud of it and I'm proud of myself for what I have achieved this year,as it's been tough.I'm looking forward to leaving to,and it won't be long til that day comes.It'll be strange,living with Joe and his brother,and not with these crazed girls I live with currently,but it'll be such a relief to be myself again.I'm sad to let a few things go up here,though.Maybe memories,maybe the prospect of seeing or even bumping into the person once again.But I reckon it's for the best and the way things have panned are for the best.When I was dancing last night to some ridiculous beat around ridiculous people not having a drunken care in the world,I realised how much I stood out.How I appeared more than ready to get straight into the next phase of my life.I'm not cut into all this clubbing malarkey anymore,to be honest,I'm not sure I ever was.But I don't think I can kid myself any more,I'm ready for bars and smartly dressed adults!I hope that doesn't sound too arrogant or silly.But I'm looking forward to maturity in all aspects of life,growing older,being with people a bit older,start a career,start a family eventually...it's all so scary and 'grown up' but I'm ready for it now,I'm going to try and embrace it!Who knows what's going to happen this year with my relationship as much as any sort of career,but I look at is as though I'm going to be living with my best friend,and it's all going to be fun.-not,'lets sit down and have a talk about this-this is serious stuff' kinda thing.Maybe we'll progress, grow and mature to,maybe we'll grow apart I'm not sure.I do wonder.But then,I've worked hard for 4 years and it's okay to have a break and catch up on a few things isn't it? I'm going to try and let the past stay in the past,as these things happened but if I look at the state of affairs at this time,I see that I'm happy with the way the things are,and as ever,it's my curiosity that wonders 'what if.' There's plenty of time to find all these people and do all these things,I guess it was just a phase in my life where I was confused as to what I wanted.And I'm pretty sure it'll happen again,but hopefully I'll come out the other side of it alright! I am worried about what the future holds, especially with jobs and the like because I feel I've so much to prove.I know my work is really good,it's just showing people out there that it is and that they really want a piece of it!Ah...let's wait and see.