'You are all I see'

Today has been a really good day.It's my wonderful Granny's 80th birthday today,and all my family gathered together and celebrated in our usual ways,it was just lovely to be with people who are so important to me,who are so constant,and mine!I forget that just because I may be situated in a different place geographically doesn't mean that we lose closeness in the distance. Mum and I shared some moments looking over old photographs.It moved me in a way,that gave me that shake,that jolt of personality that I once had-as I was looking back at old photographs of me,I felt that old me coming back.I realise the only way that i'm going to move forward from the mistakes I have made as of late,I need to accept that I made errors,and that I'm not proud of them.But I need to let it go.There is such little time in life to carry around such burdens,and I can't let this destroy a potentially critical year. I forget how my friends and family here believe in me.How they believe I can make it,and do well.Fight the battles I face,however silly,stupid or small,and come out the other end shinning.When I'm on my own,or around people who don't know me,I don't feel I have any reason to believe in myself or feel a little bit proud.I need to start taking care of myself,and need to wrap this degree up,and get on up and out into the real world.It's waiting for me,and so are some incredible friends who I haven't even met yet,I can feel it.I'm not going to let them down,I'm not going to make the same mistakes-I'm going to grow up,learn from them,just take it all as a learning curve and start making changes. I'm still quiet confused as to what to do about my relationship,whether to confront it or to try and patch over it in the hope it'll get better.Is it possible to want to escape in so many ways?I want to run away with him,and at the same time run away from him.And all of my responsibilities,Uni,run away from it all and start off a new life.But then maybe I can do that when I finish Uni,start again,have a new life. Maybe I should stop pretending,and trying to tell people the things that they want to hear and just do the things I want to do...