The trick is to keep breathing...

I feel a little bit on edge,a little bit like something's building up in the atmosphere,almost like something big is going to happen.Maybe it's the old me seeping back in again,it's been such a long time,it is a quiet unfamiliar feeling.I've been lost in a lot of thought lately to.Things seem to be sinking in more.I feel thoughtful,I feel real...I know that sounds ridiculous,but it really has made me realise how numb I've been as of late.But since work have decreased my hours,I've been able to spend more time with my uni work,feel a lot less stressed out and can spend more time organising my thoughts.I'm still not on top of my work,but I never am!I'm not sure that'll ever change.But I'm actually thinking about things again,instead of my mind looping around irritations,problems,things that deserve a lot of attention and concentration which I couldn't give.It's amazing how your body adapts to things so quickly. Everything seems to be catching up with me.With all these thoughts,the past events as of late layer more guilt on my shoulders.I need to pour it all out,but I just can't bring myself to do it,to see it.I can't believe myself and what I've let myself do.My god,this year has been one HELL of a year,probably one of the most difficult and challenging I've ever encountered (from a personal point of view.)I can't wait for the new year.I can't wait to start again.I just can't get carried away with that dream,and concentrate on finishing what I've started here.I need to make myself proud.Not to mention all the people who've helped support me along the way. I want things to be ok,I want to make people happy.But I also want to be happy,and I need to find out how to feel that again.I'm glad to be blogging again,it really helps me clear my mind.I especially like the read them back,when I write it's usually a crazy fury of typing muddled with music and I'm not aware of the words and if they even make sense.But when I read them back,I can see clearly where my problems and faults lie.Sometimes it hurts,but on the whole it gives me a lil sense of direction and guidance in where I need to start to get back on track.But I usually don't have the time to get around to it,just put it on the backburner.But addressing these things is the first step.Ah,tomorrow I have a nice day planned.Work in the afternoon,but a free evening,an empty house,I'm going to wrap up all warm and cosy,turn my music up really loud and sing,do lots of coursework...such a nerd,but I truly savour such alone time.I've got the feeling inside me,that i'm working this all out.And in a couple of weeks...I'll know what I need to do.