'Patience is just another word for getting old...'

I'm currently feeling a little more cleansed and calm this evening in comparison to how i've been feeling most of the past fortnight,which is refreshing.I've had a lovely evening catching up with an old friend who I used to live with last year,who I suddenly realise,miss so much.He used to be such a big part of my every day life in the whole three,four years of being at uni.And now he's moved back home and is working at his old work,it's a sad story really,as he's intelligent and has a lot to give.He's up here visiting his ladyfriend who I also met,and although I feared it may be awkward,it was actually really fun.In an instant I felt myself jump out of me,I wasn't nervous of overly conscious of my actions and words,like I usually have to monitor in most conversations...aw as lame as it sounds,he hugged me and I felt at home.There's always a bit of me that wonders what could have been between us.There were times where there was strong chemistry,and yet our times never matched.One of us was with someone else,so we never had the chance to really give things a go around.But these things happen for a reason,I reckon it was so we could be really good friends instead.He and Tash had this cute,excitable,honeymoon atmosphere about them I rather envied.I'm not sure how they're working it out as his home is so far away,but obviously his visit had brought them close together again and it was just so sweet to see.I miss that,that feeling of getting to know that person sitting across the table from,who you can't stop looking at,bashfully making eye contact,asking questions,giggling nervously,thinking about being intermate,talking about it...building up that foundation.Ah,I sigh.Me and Joe do have this brilliant bond there is no denying it.It's just,I'm not sure it goes that far anymore.I guess though,this is a little taster of what perhaps married life might be like.The over-familiarity of each other,the lack of spice!Observing young lovers in the street,kinda hating them for what they have,and mutter how it won't last.But it's funny really,I believe if you're with the right person,it won't fade away.Or if it shows signs,you both know when to work on it and bring it back to life again.I guess you don't know until you feel it for the first time.I just thought to myself today how unlikely it is I'll find the perfect man for me-who fulfils all my needs,shares the same interests,loves me for who I am,wants to achieve the same goals...I suppose everyone thinks that.It's just going out, meeting,greeting,keeping expectations low and hopefully finding that undeniable connection.I do believe it's out there for me to find,I really do. I realise it's time to write a letter to Joe about whats been going on in my mind.Not all of it,but enough for him to be in the know.If I hand it to him and wait for him to read it,then talk about it,I think it'll go down much better than me trying to communicate it verbally.I know it sounds cowardly,but it's the only way I can think of that will hopefully convey how I feel,hurting him the least.I just need to write it!I have no idea where to start. I should probably get some rest as i've a lot on tomorrow,but my mind is busy thinking about the future.I kinda don't want to sleep and forget about this fun evening and the feelings i've felt because,it's the first time in a long time i've felt happy.It makes me feel alone at the same time,which is weird having had such a social day,but knowing he won't be coming back for a while and there's nobody else I really feel that way around up here these days,everyones so wrapped up in their own lives and problems and situations...I guess I should just concentrate on work and getting a good grade!Put all my energy into that,and hope that in the end,this will all pay off.