As dramatic as this sounds,sometimes I actually feel quiet disjointed and alone.And this hits me more times than I care to admit.
And I shrug it off and kinda shut it out,and think that obviously what I want doesn't exist.But I know somewhere out there it must do.

I get these times where I can't help but think,and worry about the future.What's ahead.I know full well there will be a point and i'll come to a junction,and crossroads where important decisions have to be made.And right now,I feel afraid of them as I don't think I'm strong enough to-for any of this to be honest,there's so much resting on my shoulders,so many people I don't want to fail.

It's my fault,I know it is.The choices i've made up until now have all been on my own accord and I knew full well things could lead me here.I have done a lot of bad,wrong things.Unfortunately I don't feel confident in myself or my situation to,well,I don't know.I can't forgive myself for sure.I will never be able to do that.

I worry that I'm settling for a relationship that should give me more,sometimes.Times like this I can't help but notice.Where meeting new people gives me a warming sensation inside,the idea that true friends are still out there to be made.I find the future comforting as it is daunting.I love him,so much.Too much-I put in too much effort,look like a right idiot most of the time,I guess that's the way it'll always be as i'll probably always be that way...oh the doubting i've felt and the worry,I mean we're strong but thats mainly because I contain so much.I can't believe i'm saying it,oh,whats going to happen?Still temptations linger and I worry that turning my back although the correct thing to do,is possibly shutting out a golden oppertunity....I thought we had a future together,but it's times like this I think,maybe not.

:( more sad faces.