I'm so sorry :(

I'm an awful,awful person.

What he fuck happened?What the hell happened to me to make me do this?To risk throwing it all away,to risk a perfectly fine situation-piece of mind-what on earth am I doing?

I've never felt to dissapointed in myself in my entire life.If I wasn't happy,I should have talked about it and try and sort it out before getting myself involved with somebody else-I knew this all along.I'm such a bitch :( An awful,awful person.

I can't cry.I don't seem to have any soul.

I'm so confused as to what to do and where to go.It's getting to the point now where I need to sort this out,I need to make a decision as this will get worse if I leave it any longer.I want the one to be telling,I don't want anyone to find out anything.

I thought I was happy before I met him...I thought I was safe,comfortable and happy.but surely,if that was the case then what made me change completely?What made me do this?It's certainly not to cause problems and upset or hurt anyone,I know that for sure.But there must be something that Joe must have said or done to make me act this way.When I last saw him,I found it so hard to be intermate with him which killed me inside.To see his beautiful face,I found it so hard to look him in the eye and smile...for I have failed him.
Happy or not,there was no need to do what I did.

Please forgive me...I am so,deeply sorry.

:(

I won't be the same for a long while.I don't know what to do.I want to run away.I want to pour my heart out.I want to smile and be happy again.I want to know for sure.I can't go with the flow anymore as things have gone too far and people are waiting for me to make up my mind.I hate this.I hate myself.I hate myself I hate myself...but I made my bed and I know I must lay in it,I deserve this,as I am a piece of shit.

:( I'm so sorry.