The world is yours.

It gives me pleasure to say that I actually...don't much care anymore.I'm so used to these occurences I believe i've formed a bit of a thick skin.I think it's for the best to,I think even I get bored of being upset/annoyed of the same olde things.I guess some things don't change,and no amount of worrying,moaning and hinting will sort any of it out.
I think it's fair to say (as usual) that i've been a mix of emotions regarding lots of things but relationships is up there on the top of the list.There have been times of such frustration and confusion that I wonder what the hell I'm doing-why,oh why,do I even bother.But then it's always redeemed and balanced again by a honest,innocent event,happening,misunderstanding and it's usually resolved again.But when those times come one after the other...there were moments I just HAD to say how I felt.
I think after all of that caper,we're much better.I feel better for letting these things out,even if they are silly and he tells me so,at least he's in the know.At least he has a moment to feel bad about it-becuase he's not the slightest bit unkind,he can just be pretty bloomin stupid.
We've had some nice talks to,ones I thought we'd never have.Very personal secrets of mine I thought he'd never know or want to know,however usual they may be were relesed from me and now he knows...I wonder if anything will change though.I wonder if it'll be one of those things that's forgotten but never really is at all,we both know it plain as day but are too freaked out to actually confront it or even try it...it would make me feel so happy if we did.It's rediculous,but it's just one of those things that gets me going and if he did it well,then,the whole relationship would be up an entire level!!
But I couldn't ever say that,I wouldn't want to put it on a pedal stool-destined to backfire and humiliate-i'm being criptic for my own embarrassment for the future days I read back these past entries as I do when new years begin.
I feel better about the things I used to worry about,other girls in particular.Ever since my run in with charl in London,many of those feelings of,well,bitterness have been released.Eventhough he doesn't know and probably won't ever know,it's nice that i've experienced something...I wasn't expecting but needed to feel.Needed a little test for myself,a test where I could have made a slip up but managed to keep the whole situation clean.Sigh.They were happy childish moments.
I've caught up with a few friends since being home,on another flying visit and it's been so nice.It's also been worrying,I fear she may have messed things up and gone down a wrong route but,she's my best friend and I love her and I only want her to be happy....ah dear.

So it is indeed the new year...well,nearly a week in.A bit late for me actually,usually i'm up posting all my resolutions.Not this year though...I'm not sure what my resolutions are.

I just hope that this year...works out ok.I'm worried yet excited about my next placement,it has potential to be incredible,I hope me and Joe continue to be happy in what we;re doing and together,I hope Uni goes well,it'll be hard,but then i'll try really hard.I guess,in 2011,i'll continue to put in 110% effort into everything that I do,and I hope that my efforts in whatever fields...will be appreciated.