Paper Cranes...

There's just something about those paper cranes...

It's nice to finally have a moment to get it all out of my head onto something I can re-read and analyse,becuase i've been without a chance to clear my mind.It's been an odd week,a very odd week of many crazy feelings and situations and happenings.
Exciting times,yet riddled with many questions,wonderings with no real change to my current situation.It's interesting,and it's something I haven't felt in a long time.
I'll start with the most dominant mess in my thoughts. The Christmas Party at Jimmy Choo.And that mysterious man I've written about lately on these very blogger pages.

I feel guilty even smiling at the thought.And before I get carried away with all the details before I forget them and it's all a thing of the past,I love Joe dearly.Which is why i'm so confused as to why I've spent a lot of my placement feeling this way.

From the moment I first saw him, I couldn't hide the flutter in my stomach of absolute lust. I fully admired not only his handsome physic but the way he carried himself in the most awkward and shy way. He's husky voice of barely any words,he's sharp,sleek style all rounded off with deep eyes that held my gaze with a soft comforting smile.I instantly wanted to get to know him better, find out what he was all about. He's not the type I usually find attractive right to my core to be honest, he's the kind of guy i'd catch an eye with in the street and not think much more of it.But he stayed in my mind.Appearing awkwardly at my desk asking to borrow a couple of things,i'd get so red and giddy, all hot and bothered like I was a teenager again with the most popular boy in school asking to next to me (...or something!) I felt so nerdy and daft,and I loved it.I saw him more at work more and more, talking a bit more and finding out more, which was fun. He unravels slowly.It never did and never will cross a line,it's all harmless and above all friendly, it's just a little tinge of something else thrown in which makes me go all dizzy.
Ladies at work would make hints in front of him about me, i'd see him out and about,he would appear and catch me off my guard,I'd never of thought he'd taken an interest in me.I still don't know for sure,but,when I found out I was sat next to him at the christmas party I couldn't help but get extremly excited.I knew it was the perfect chance to find out more about him,and, with a help of alcohol, let him know more about him.
It was amazing. He has such an excellent education,he's well travelled, and mysterious in his background to his family,he's been all over the world. He told me he did a degree in fine art,which,had me instantly. I love a guy who loves art! And he talked lots and lots and it was great.I got quiet merry but it was fine,I spilt water but it was fine! We laughed and joked a lot,pulled crackers and made the stupid games inside them and told the jokes.He made me beautiful paper cranes with his beautiful hands!He was just so charming. And I believe I charmed him to,at the end of the night he told me he was going.But he leaned in and said it was lovely to meet me properly and kissed me on the cheek.
OH MY GOD.
I just couldn't believe it.

There may be a pattern emerging in these paper cranes...It appears that every guy I've ever had an overwhelming amount of desire for in my life has made me a paper crane or two.Charl is the next to charm me,I just can't resist the gesture.However,I can't have him.And yet i've never been so curious in all my life.It is the classically ironic moment where everything's starting to get a bit interesting now when my days are numbered in London,but,this is life and this is a test.He has appeared to test me and my ability to make the right dessisions, tempting me with his handsome and swarve presentation, confidence yet awkwardness in the presence of me to make him appear vulnerable therefore not threatening-which is just so refreshing.
I just can't believe somebody as attractive, mature, well travelled, creative, intelligent and mysterious as him would take the blindest bit of notice of me.I just can't help but caught up in the whirlwing, I can't help but bashfully smile under his gaze. To keep me entertained all night...I can't help but feel lust towards him.

I felt guilty feeling so excited about something so silly,I mean,he's a fair bit older than me having completed a masters,he'll want to travel and settle down,I imagine him being quiet arrogant,I can immagine him being a bit hot and cold and finding other girls quickly.But, as I don't want anything as i'm with Joe and so happy with that,it doesn't matter! I'm just enjoying the giddyness and all the sillyness that goes with it.Because to be quiet honest,it makes my days so much more interesting at work.And I look forward to when I may see him and it makes the time go fast.

So fast in fact,that tomorrow is my last day.My last day! I can't believe how quickly it's gone.And it's mixed feelings really,because i'm excited to get out and get away and start new things, and then again,I'm sad to leave the friends i've made and the routines i've established.

I can't believe I feel this way,I like it and hate it at the same time.

Ah well,soon it'll be over and I won't see him again. The temptation will be gone,so,it won't be anything at all.
I'm tempted to add him on facebook,but then,would that be opening up a door into,well,a load of mess?I'm at a safe,innocent level now,maybe asking for more would be a bad idea...ah well.Maybe i'll tell him how I honestly feel.That I fancy the pants off him,yet,can't act on it at all becuase I'm in love with Joe. But i'd love to keep in contact still...oh wait,that sounds so bad.Only to see what he does in his life after jimmy choo!He said he was starting his own interiors buisness! I wanted to know about that.Ah well.We'll see!

I probably won't. He will never know.Nobody will. Just another little silly secret of mine I need to get over...ah dear.