The things we do just to stay alive...

I do feel bad for going about her,and how bad she makes me feel.She has no idea,and if I really felt so strongly about this,I should at least let her know.I should be fair.It's just a shame she makes it hard for me to.She makes it hard for me to be myself,and do the things that I want to do.But there we go,I suppose it'll always be that way and it's another addition to the long list of things to adapt and get used to.

The way I hope to suss this,is to just carry on doing what I want to do.If I'm not asking to do anything unreasonable,what's the problem surely?I suppose it's opinion-perhaps to her I am being out of order.I always forget my age when I come home,I'm just snapped back into how things were exactly 5 years ago,and it's possible to suggest that mother still believes me to act that same way.

It's been a rather bleak day today,weather-wise.Went into town and walked around in the rain.I love it when the rain smells like the sea.I'm not as keen on the soaking wet feet from all the puddles and splashing cars!It makes me feel like winter is drawing in,with the dark evenings and dark mornings and it makes me miss Joe an awful lot.We have a lot of contact which is amazing,because before all this began I was worried we may fall out of touch a bit,which would add to the stress.But so far it's been really nice.I just can't wait to see him very soon!
There were so many groups of teenagers wondering around in their clusters,wearing quiet outragous outfits,trying to be unique and different yet all looking the same,screaming too loudly...it made me miss the old days.It suddenly made me feel my age,the days of GCSE's and sleepovers,giggling about boys and silly lil fall outs,everything seemed like such a big deal back then,but it wasn't stressful.It was just,the way it went.
We're all so apart now,we've all moved on with our lives and most want to forget how it used to be.But my memories still hold on to the fun,innocence and the learning-the fresh,the new-the discovering of myself and the gaining of my achievements.

All the grown ups that tell you it'll go so fast-they were right.

Ah,work tomorrow.It's not the work itself,it's the transportation there which is what fills me with dread.I do love to travel on the train,but lately i've just been so tired and i'm afraid i'll fall asleep.
I hope this week goes quickly,I want it to be next weekend already!