Ah The Smiths,and how they enlighten me so.
It's great when you discover a great 'new' band to find they've been and gone,yet still sound so current and influential.
I miss blogging,and it's only been a few days without a typin' fix but I miss having the time to collect my thoughts and feelings together and have a much needed ramble.Work doesn't allow much time for that,and it's horrifyingly close to feeling how a normal everyday adult does,having to endure a similar routine.I definitely hope that I get so used to it,that the precious time that I have to myself i'll be able to snap and adapt into immideitly!This weekend,I think I did.
It was wonderful.
Joe is home to me.There is just no two ways about it,when I saw he's lovely comforting face all my worries,stresses,saddness were dissolved and I felt was relief,safety and happiness.It was a fantastically chilled out weekend,with comfort food,wine and great films.It was amazing to get back into our old routine again,and I was sad to leave this afternoon.Very sad.I wasn't visibly upset though,as I know it will only be another couple of weeks until I see him again,which will be amazing.I suppose this will just be what we get used to doing.But,in all fairness,taking things two weeks at a time means the months go so much faster and I like that idea very much.I've had lots of moments when on my placement my feelings about it have changed.One moment I quiet like it,other moments I wonder what the hell i'm doing.Surrounded by incredibly flashy women who eat next to nothing and have posh voices and posh names and talk about the latest posh places and I wonder where I fit in.And,more importantly,if I want to.
I'm starting to think I only want to do it for two months,instead of the three.I ran it past mum and she seems to agree it being a good idea,although I don't want to work at Iceland,I want to get cracking on my next placement up north,but we'll see.There is a large part of me that thinks I'm a bit of a defeatist and it's possible I may not be allowed to.But money is the main reason-I can't take any more from dad especially when he's got other things he needs to spend it on.And two months is still a fair while to get enough experience,and enough to get someone's attention which,is the whole point in me doing this.And I hope at some point,to run it past one of the ladies and just explain it all.
I suppose two weeks isn't very long,and things could get better.But i'm such a worrier naturally,and I want to fit in very much,but it's the kind of place I could imagine changing me if I stayed there for to long.I'm so lucky to have the experience and be there,I want to like it so much more than I do now.It's just so draining,and I miss the north,I miss Joe so much,I miss being creative and arty and laughing and so much stuff I do/see so much less these days.And I would hack it all if it was where I wanted to be in the future,but honestly,I don't think I do.
I want to be my own successful brand.With lots to give,lots of colour,lots of fun.I want to work with customers,not through them or their agents or whatever.It just feels a bit clinical.
Anyway,it's late and I should probably get up tomorrow morning!
Lets see what the day brings!
No comments:
Post a Comment