Words of Wisdom

I'm not sure what i've been thinking and feeling today really.It's been a bit irregular but nothing too striking.Spent a little bit too much time reading into peoples public lives on their facebook pages,flicking through the endless same old,wondering if they're happy in their new lives.It's a mixture of reminiscence,wonder and worry jumbled up in discoveries.However,when it gets a little too far it takes only a simple step to close it all down and put it on ice.And it's at that point you realise-why do I truly care anyway?Sometimes I wonder why I take the time to check it all,maybe to make myself annoyed or confused?who knows.But one things for sure-it's bloomin addictive and everyone's doing it!

Ah,that familiar and quiet unwanted smell of weed drifting up into my room from Stev's bedroom.I'm worried that the drug-taking paraphernalia noises are all too frequent.I'm worried that it won't be much time before he'll want to try new,more dangerous things.And I'm not sure i'm comfortable with him doing it,mainly for his health and well being really as in the past he hasn't really conveyed himself to be stable.
I haven't told him this,though,I don't really feel it's my place to be telling him what I think let alone what I think he should be doing with his time and money.I suppose if it all gets a lil too far then I will.Maybe it'll change when his uni course starts.
It's been a pleasant couple of weeks being back with him in the house to,I was so lonely before when it was just me filling the place.At times it's been a bit quiet and to be fair,I've been at Joe's mostly.To begin with I felt pangs of regret about my decision to live here.I know mum's not entirely happy still,but then I'm not sure she will be completely til i'm living at home again.

Oh home...oh,I don't want to think about that right now.
I'm not dreading home itself,I love my family and when i'm there and back and doing things it's fine but the thought of being far away isn't a nice thought,-I think that's the thing-the thought itself.

Anyway.I think that's something I mention/think about every day and it's getting a bit boring.I just can't help but let it keep nagging away on the backburner.I'm worried about it all.I just want 2011 to be here.I think it's the first time I've ever wanted the year to end,or a specific year to start.
Just wish I was looking forward to it more.

I suppose instead of brewing up worry,I need to hit this head on.Question what i'm really worried about.
-I'm mainly worried about me and Joe;Can we withstand the distance considering I see him pretty much every day now.I won't be able to afford many visits and i'm scared he won't communicate with me as much as i'd like him to.
=If the relationship wasn't very strong it would be fair enough to worry about withstanding the distance.But because we've been together for nearly a year now,i'm sure it'll be something we can conquer.Consider it a test,to strengthen the relationship we have now.Make sure I book tickets in advance to save money and look forward to the time we next spend together.I need to talk about communication problems before I flip out one day wrongly.That way he's in the know.If I do my best to stay in contact,keep busy,remember that three months isn't very long at all and to try and enjoy myself,I shouldn't really have anything to worry about.
-I'm still having horrible niggling worries that someone better may/has come along to fill the gap while i'm not there,causing him to either be dishonest or break up with me.
=I don't know why i'm so paronoid about this because he has given me NO reason to feel this way.He's always honest with me about who he meets and how he feels about them,and has never done anything dishonest to me in the past.As long as I put in the effort,and he does to,they'll be no need for someone to 'fill the gap'.He's aloud female friends,just because he hangs out with a girl doesn't mean he fancies her and wants her more than me.It's unfair and completely over the top,considering I live with a single guy and have many single guy friends.He never worries about me hanging round with them,because he trusts me.I need to completely put all my trust into him.

I've not gone completely mad,i'm just thinking out loud to hopefully make things look clearer to me to help stop me being such a fool!