I feel a bit silly for all the doubts I had before.For now,they are subsided.I just hope they remain out of the picture forever.What i've learnt from it all,though,is that worrying is only going to do harm to myself and make a perfectly fine situation into some magnified mess.I am going to try and not worry until I have a fair reason to.
It's just when i'm alone and away from it all it can creep in again.but hopefully I will be confident enough to push it out of my mind.
I'm off to London tomorrow,to see one of my closest uni friends,for a much needed catch up and hopefully fun night!I do love visiting London,for any reason really.But I know travelling there again will encourage me to feel more excited about working there at the end of the month-not afraid of it.
I'm more worried about being apart from Joe than the job in question.-Or should I say,placement.but then I like to call it a job because i'll treat it as if it's my career and put in ever bit of effort I possibly can.I'm sure if I told anyone that they would feel I was being a bit stupid-as this is an amazing opportunity and there is a large possibility i'll wish it to go by quickly.But hopefully,as soon as I get started it'll all fall into place-as will my nerves in all fields.I suppose I managed to maintain a long distance relationship in the past,although I wouldn't call it a strong or pleasant one.But then,there's a completely different person involved this time around.
I've just got to keep up faith and hope that if I just do my best,and he does to,then it'll all be okay.
I'm in another one of those phases where i'm not sure how I feel about myself aesthetically-if I could put it so clinically! The days where nothing seems to look right.There are areas which are just getting to me too much lately to,and after a while it really brings me down.Strangely,a month or so later it hardly bothers me at all,so,hopefully in time I'll feel a bit more confident in,well,all of me.
I can't wait to get started with some artiness and creativity!But my final project isn't for another year.I may just start a project I like and hope I can somehow weave it into it! I'm determined to give it my all in my final year.
I wonder where i'll be staying next year.As much as I appreciate this house i'm in at the moment,I don't fancy living in it another year.I think there's something about it I can't put my finger on.Maybe it's becuase it doesn't provide much space to do arty things,as the carpets are pretty unforgiving!I think it's possibly because I know Stev's not going to be here for another year,and I wouldn't want to be here without him,or replace him with anybody else.Plus,I look forward to making another place a home.
I would love to live with Joe.
It crossed my mind before moving into this place,but at the time,we hadn't been together very long.It's a bold move-it's even a bold thought to think!But somehow,I think we could do it.I'm sure I wind him up at times,and he does the same for me,but it's not a big problem by any means and we know how to give each other plenty of space when we need to do our own things.This year will be good,actually.A test to see if we can keep being strong.Even he's parents suggested it.
The thing is,though,I made a bit of a promise to Sian that I would live with her in Leeds.Honestly,though,i'm not sure if I could do it.I spend so much time with her outside of uni,we're on the same course-we do a lot together.I fear it would really put our friendship to the test if we spent almost ALL our time together,in fact,I reckon it would pull us apart really.But this is something wayyy off in the distance yet,so I won't worry about it now!
Things to consider,if all goes well.
I do hope so.
Londons calling!
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