Alone in the change.

Today I'm not feeling so posetive.
I feel so alone.I am not enjoying spending this much time with my own company.
I should be enjoying this time to myself,but in truth I just can't stand it.I enjoy it when I know someone's not far away,but I know that everyone very much is a fair way away.I'm trapped in a house i'm scared of running up the bills to high in accompanied by unfamiliar noises and unrecognisable voices coming from the next room.I feel on edge.
Everything has been left to me to sort out,and although this could be considered character building and rewarding when all is complete,right now,I'm just not feeling it.I am left with my own thoughts revolving round my head.I've been trying to do art work,but I get frustrated and end up getting overwhelmed.
I know that this is stress moreover my ability to live with myself and keep myself occupied.I just have nobody to talk to about it,becuase I would then be considered a burden.
I hate having to travel the way to uni to use the internet-surrounded by people either working,or socialising loudly in groups of friends talking about plans for nights out...I am envious of them.And that in itself makes me sad.I miss my friends and I miss my home.It hasn't been a week yet and already I miss the times that once were.But at least,I enjoyed them to the fullest while they lasted.

I can't wait to see Joe.And I hate admitting that becuase I feel i'm putting pressure on him,and that i'm clingy and annoying.He hasn't said anything of the sort,but I don't want to seem like a freak.He'll bring me back to life again,make me happy and laugh.I think that's the thing-I haven't laughed in ages-in fact i've cried more.That is not a good balance.It's certainly not a balance i'm used to.

I don't want to make people worry,and yet I'd love to let it all out.Sian will be ringing me later,so that'll be really nice.And Robyn will give me a text to ring her later to,so i'm sure that'll cheer me up.
It's the combination of change and loneliness that's making me sad and uncomfortable.
When it's the weekend,it won't be long til Stev moves in-then Joe visits,then I'll be going home.So it's just waiting til then.
I look forward to the evenings where it's dark inside and i can get cosy with a film in bed,and sleep so I can forget about everything and be taken somewhere else.

I miss home so much :(